Every country in the world has a different definition about a happy family or life. In America, people tend to build a material life along with a happy family, which is full of satisfaction such as: houses, money, cars, food, and entertainment. Meanwhile, the Vietnamese people have a totally different idea about a happy family. They don’t need a material life but a moral life, which is full of happiness and union. Parents love their children and vice versa. Unfortunately, life usually goes against what we expect. From 1975 until now, millions of Vietnamese have lived separately because of the “Vietnam War.” In the early of 1980s, my dad had to cross the Pacific Ocean to escape Communism and come to America while I was not born yet. It was just six months from his marriage date. I was born and had grown up in my mother’s hands. She had given me everything that I wanted. She had given me love, hope, and her whole heart. However, I still felt that I missed something deep inside. She was a perfect mom in this world, but it was not enough to have a good and happy family since my dad was gone. Why did I ask too much since I had everything? I had been asking myself many wonders that I couldn’t answer. Therefore, I want to share with you my thoughts and feelings when I had spent my childhood without my father so that you can tell me the answers that haven’t been revealed. Can a child grow up normally in the family he loses either one of his parents? How does he feel and what does he want from the world?

At five years of age, I had a full perception about life and relationship. I could realize I had a family and human life. However, it was also the period of time I first received a deep emotional pain. “Daddy, daddy, daddy back home from work”, Tuan yelled joyfully. I had heard that every evening from Tuan-my next-door friend. He ran quickly and jumped into his father. They held each other tightly and shared a sweet love. I could realize how much they missed each other during the haft day they were separated and how happy their family was. I could hear Thanh was laughing. I could hear he coddled himself with his father for what he wanted during the dinner “Daddy, I want this. Daddy, I wanted that”. A haft day of separation was not a long period of time. They didn’t know I had been separated from my Dad my whole life. They didn’t know their happy and warm scenario had left a painful scar in my heart. They didn’t know their smiles were my tears. They didn’t know their happiness was my sadness. Was I jealous or did I just feel pity for myself? Not either one of them, but both. How many times had I wished I could be Thanh- a lucky child? I couldn’t remember and I didn’t expect much as well. My wish was so humble. I wished I could hold my dad in my arms once, just once. I would look at his face and say, “Daddy, I love you”.

Nevertheless, it would never happen. I just wished I could be a dim regular star in the vast universe. However, it was just a fantasy. I, myself, was still a dying star-a pity child. I had cried too much but not enough for how much pain I had to endure inside of my soul. I had acted so quietly and weirdly. As in Borland’s poem, “The Lost Landl,” I felt like there was no room in this world for me-separation. Why did it happen to me? How were things in this world so unfair? Why did I have to suffer this feeling and destiny? How could I find the land that I lost, my father?

“I see myself
On the underworld side of the water,
The darkness coming in fast, saying
All the names I know for the lost land.” Read the rest of this entry »

Juliet is incomprehensible when she sees Romeo’s body on the floor. He dies. He flees the tomb and leave Juliet behind. Juliet finds the poison vial in Romeo’s hand, and chides him for not leaving enough poison for her. When she kisses his lips to see if there is any remaining poison left on them. Hearing more sounds of the watchmen, Juliet comes to her own triumphant, tragic and fateful end. Faithful till death, she picks up Romeo’s dagger, stabs herself in the chest, and inevitably joins her love in marriage-death. Yes, Romeo and Juliet were death. They were death arms in arms. What’s a wonderful scenario here? They were death because of the poison, yet they died worthily.

I (Blake, Tennyson, Henley, Browning, and Hardy) exactly know the reasons led to the death of the sweet couples, which are the conflict between two families, the social different status, and life-punishment. However, this girl, an innocent girl, she is apparently just die of the poison, a heroin overdose. Her look was very sad and pity. She should be happy and fresh under sun instead of dying in this manner. Who has killed her? What caused her death? How could this happen to the girl? Oh God, please tell me why.

“Are God and Nature then at strife” to make this scenario to happen to this little girl? I doubt there is the presentation of “God within the soul”. I doubt everyone is “being loved” equally. Devils usually live long, but good human beings. I don’t think you care of our fates, God. “Careless of the shingle life”- you are not there when we need you. I have been struggling to find the answer for myself “who controls my faith”. I have been searching and fumbling, but all left me with the unclear answers. I thought God created us and would save us. I put my destiny into God because I thought God would love me and give me all happiness. However, I was wrong. God is not all around to save me but put more challenge and pressure on me. He created Nature to stop my dream and destroy my hope. God has “spirit”, but Nature isn’t. Nature is not care of the species. I cry for my fate. I cry for the careless of both God and Nature. I know I am not that lucky “seed” that is chosen out of fifty to grow. Therefore, I am careless of all. Let my felling is “Lord of all”. “I care for nothing, and all shall go.” Life is “frail” and incomplete. Thus, let’s face with it. Sooner or later, we must face with the circle of life: Birth, oldness, illness, and death. No more “a child” in “doubt” and “fear”. Be “the strong hands” to “reach through nature”. Read the rest of this entry »